I absolutely hate studying.
It’s like as soon as I see a book, especially a math book, I get a headache. I feel a burning in my chest when I see loose leaf paper with words on it. I am literally repulsed by it for some reason and it’s my downfall academically honestly. Is it because I’m lazy?
Or am I uninspired?
You see, I’m not repulsed by learning. I used to watch Discovery Channel and the History Channel a lot as a kid. I’d watch those two channels for the whole day everyday. It wasn’t because the production values these channels have are meant to reel you in, but I loved the feeling of knowing and of being cognizant. I wanted to learn about the outside world.
Now, in the present, I still don’t hate learning. Whenever I have to do some research for a freelance gig it’s not a big hassle. It’s as much of a hassle to me as any regular hassle would be to anybody else, but it’s not hair-rising-like-a-terrified-cat hassle. The research doesn’t push me away like Pain from Naruto. It’s just that, I have to be interested in what I’m learning or else I’m avoiding it like my neighbor’s dog.
I find that I always need something to be attached to. From as long as I can remember up until 5th grade it was books. Th only thing I ever remember doing was reading and watching other kids play. In Middle-school it was watching Discovery Channel as well as reading. In High-school I got into another form of escapism, video games. Defense of The Ancients 2 or “DoTA 2” is top-down team strategy video game took up all of my time. I’ve probably clocked in over 2,000 hours on that game. Recently my addictions have gone down. It would be Street Fighter Five to hold my addiction now, but I’ve learned to manage it.
To pull it all back to learning though, I did heavy research on DoTA 2 and Street Fighter Five. I watched pro players and tournaments for hours on end. I watched game replays over and over and learned hungrily from the pros. If it was my job to be good at these games I would have been putting in overtime. It was the competition that made me want to learn, and it also served as a form of escapism.
So what I’m really trying to get at here is that I’m just really uninspired. The way college is set up, sitting in a hard ass seat while some balding old dude drills words into your skull for several hours, it’s not an attractive premise. When I get home wild late I really don’t want to look at another book if it’s not helping my freelance career. I don’t even read physical words on physical paper anymore really unless you give me a pamphlet (I know…fucking millennials amiright).
Recently I’ve become very interested in popular culture and social justice, and it takes up all of my time. That’s why I’m pursuing this side career as a freelance writer, because I’m able to do what I like; which is listening to music, browsing Twitter, reading articles, and get paid for it. Crazy right?
Anyway I have a final today that I haven’t studied for. Wish me luck.