thoughts on my birthday

Today I will systematically go through every bio of every social media I have that doesn’t automatically update my age and change the 1 in 21 to a 2.

Today roughly marks the time 22 years ago when my mother splurted me out her body into this world. And how do I feel? I’m grateful for my parents who don’t really understand me and are too caught up in religion to really connect with anyone, for providing for me. I’m grateful for my 3 friends that said happy birthday to me at 1:50 am this morning. I’m grateful to all the acquaintances I’ve made on Facebook for giving the illusion that I have a lot of people who care about me.

But you really do know who fucks with you on your G-day as the urban kids say it. The only people I say happy birthday too are people that I care about or want to know better. It’s a subtle nudge to them saying “Yo I peeped it’s your birthday and I care about that kind of inane shit when it comes to you. So hit me up.” And I feel like it’s the same for most of the birthday wishes I receive…maybe or maybe not since I’m not one to follow tradition. But like I said, I did receive 2 happy birthday wishes from long time friends at 1:50 in the morning which honestly made my morning, and 1 from someone I met a few month ago who I connected with. I will get a handful more on Facebook as some feel obligated either by tradition or the fact that I’m just a nice person in real life.

I’m not really sad about anything, at least not about the day physically. I guess it is time for me to be 22, and I don’t really want a birthday party unless I could have managed to get at least 5 people who know each other in a room for a small get together (but I couldn’t). My body is at least getting better as I have been working out. The unchangeable things about my body, I have come to accept. The material things I would have wanted for my birthday, all of my friends are too poor to afford so I don’t really care. I don’t quite feel 22, I feel like I’m 20 now, but that’s just how it goes.

Now, looking back at what Iv’e “accomplished” or not, I am glad that I fully took advantage of the whole alcohol thing. I am sad that it’s sort of weird for me to be hanging or messing around with 18 year olds. It sounded weird just typing it idk. I’m sort of disappointed where I am career wise but I’m comparing myself to people that knew what they wanted to do from an early age, and for the most weren’t marginalized in any real way. The career is the biggest one because I failed my first class last semester so this has been a road-bump in school. In my writing career however I have made large strides. I right stuff for a more popular blog, and I was able to get my Twitter follower count past 100. I feel like I’m going at a steady pace with my writing career considering how late I’m starting.

Today out of every other day I send a small prayer to a monotheist God, to protect my parents and ensure that these next layers of age are kind to me. If it’s your birthday and you’re reading this, Happy Birthday for one, and keep trudging through your journey.

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Author: BlkLttrBoy

A wraith

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