popularity, greatness, writing

Who gets to be great?

It was a Wednesday and my client had just posted my artist feature. It looked good. The graphics she used fit well with the background and everything looked premium. The artist also is not bad looking herself. But my words on the site also looked good. Everything flowed well and resembled a professional feature on a music blog. I was feeling myself.

After I promoted it a little on Twitter I got like 2 retweets but I’m happy about that because that’s more than my client gets on average. I began to think why I started writing and I began to size myself up. Am I moving at a quick enough pace towards where I want to go? Am I enjoying what I’m doing? Most importantly, am I a good writer?

The last question is the hardest because if you read any sort of autobiographical literature, or watch Californication, you’ll know that writers (this is strictly from what I’ve learned from pissy white male authors) are extraordinarily narcissistic, yet they loathe themselves. They think their writing is the best and that everyone else’s is bad. But they also hate themselves for whatever reason (it’s usually because they are lazy alcoholics).

I read an article by Steven King about what a good writer is and he wrote some strung out bullshit which all concluded to “ya just know.” Then I read an article that was written in the last 5 years that was more insightful. It was a list (v trendy) of validations and a few of the points applied to me. “Other people have told you that you write well,” “people pay you to write,” “you know good writing when you see it” are the points I’m using to stitch my writer’s ego together.

So with that dodgy definition of a good writer, I can now try my hardest at this venture.knowing that I at least can start growing in this field. Not only that…I want to eventually great in the future. I want to be rich and respected. It feels weird saying it, like how dare I wish for a  better life, me, a peon. Knowing you deserve it is an important step.

But then there’s the other 7 odd billion people who want greatness too.

Everyone is your competition, and most people want to be great. But I think it’s literally impossible for everyone to gain acclaim in their respective fields. There’s always someone as good or better than you, there is always someone with an advantage somehow whether it be connections, class, or race. Also, there would be too many people to give awards out to, the fake gold companies will run out of resources and the attention of the masses will wander because there are so many options. Who is the best at what they do? People find comfort in knowing who they are looking up to rank are in a very exclusive percentile.

Knowing this, really it’s less about how good you do what you do and more about how lucky you are in finding an opportunity to show it. So finally, who gets to be great? Only the lucky do.

Anyway that’s what’s been shredding my skull.

what I like and don’t like about being an INTP

If you’ve read anything on my blog or have even read the titles, you can narrow down what my type will be. An introverted one for sure. I’ve take the test multiple times and the majority of the time I get INTP. Reading up on it, it’s as if my brain was unfurled right in front of me.

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Just A Regular Cringe Date Story

I went on a date today (I’m writing this at 11:00 PM).

I never know how people are going to react to seeing me in real life. It was a girl I met on Tinder. The first thing on my Tinder profile is my height as to not surprise the ladies when they meet me and notice I am as tall as a middle-schooler.

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My Experience With Internalized Anti-blackness

In every Black person there is the potential to be a very cancerous cloud welling up in there chest.

I feel it in my chest to. Sometimes it climbs up my throat and into the back of my mind, and grips my brain. It forces me to doubt myself; to look at my current failures and equate them to my very identity, an identity I did not have control over in the first place. It meddles with my judgment, consequentially lowering my performance in almost anything I do. It operates like a cloud that’s been hovering over my head since birth but its vice is rooted within my psyche like a virus.

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This is not an introvert’s world

Here, I complain about how hard it is for an introvert to interface with the world.

Pet peeve of mine: Motivational platitudes/fake enthusiasm/how to be successful videos and/or blogs. (no shade because I follow some here.)

But that is just a personal thing tied to the rest of the stuff I’m going to talk about. I still respect them and read them. But anyway, what I mean by “This is not an introvert’s world” is that you need to like people. You can’t stay in a shell and be successful. You need to be able to woo people and you cannot operate by yourself.

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