It was a Wednesday and my client had just posted my artist feature. It looked good. The graphics she used fit well with the background and everything looked premium. The artist also is not bad looking herself. But my words on the site also looked good. Everything flowed well and resembled a professional feature on a music blog. I was feeling myself.
After I promoted it a little on Twitter I got like 2 retweets but I’m happy about that because that’s more than my client gets on average. I began to think why I started writing and I began to size myself up. Am I moving at a quick enough pace towards where I want to go? Am I enjoying what I’m doing? Most importantly, am I a good writer?
The last question is the hardest because if you read any sort of autobiographical literature, or watch Californication, you’ll know that writers (this is strictly from what I’ve learned from pissy white male authors) are extraordinarily narcissistic, yet they loathe themselves. They think their writing is the best and that everyone else’s is bad. But they also hate themselves for whatever reason (it’s usually because they are lazy alcoholics).
I read an article by Steven King about what a good writer is and he wrote some strung out bullshit which all concluded to “ya just know.” Then I read an article that was written in the last 5 years that was more insightful. It was a list (v trendy) of validations and a few of the points applied to me. “Other people have told you that you write well,” “people pay you to write,” “you know good writing when you see it” are the points I’m using to stitch my writer’s ego together.
So with that dodgy definition of a good writer, I can now try my hardest at this venture.knowing that I at least can start growing in this field. Not only that…I want to eventually great in the future. I want to be rich and respected. It feels weird saying it, like how dare I wish for a better life, me, a peon. Knowing you deserve it is an important step.
But then there’s the other 7 odd billion people who want greatness too.
Everyone is your competition, and most people want to be great. But I think it’s literally impossible for everyone to gain acclaim in their respective fields. There’s always someone as good or better than you, there is always someone with an advantage somehow whether it be connections, class, or race. Also, there would be too many people to give awards out to, the fake gold companies will run out of resources and the attention of the masses will wander because there are so many options. Who is the best at what they do? People find comfort in knowing who they are looking up to rank are in a very exclusive percentile.
Knowing this, really it’s less about how good you do what you do and more about how lucky you are in finding an opportunity to show it. So finally, who gets to be great? Only the lucky do.
Anyway that’s what’s been shredding my skull.